So this marks the second art challenge that I have completed the other one being the draw 100 challenge in which I drew 100 feet. I shoulda drawn hands but Oh well there is always another day. . . Like everything in life it seemed to just whiz on by, but hey 31 drawings in 34 days, always have to go with that Filipino Time. . . although I am trying to address that and am reading books revolving around self improvement and the like.
My first day of inktober was a carefree experience I whipped out my sumi ink, a g-pen, and some brushes and began my work. I even had time to look at reference of my piece while making the fox girl from the fate series. I enjoyed making this piece despite all the errors that I made. Ink was unforgiving and every wrong move made is impossible to fix without, but it also shows you where the holes in my technique would be.
The second day of inktober was mostly the same as the first plenty of time to relax and just do me. The prompt was divided which made me think of myself, I have always felt different, not superior or anything grandiose like that, just different. It probably something to do with being one of the few brown kids at my school, the eczema, or the allergies. . . I mean do I really belong on this planet with all of these things that are wrong with me?? I am still struggling with my self-esteem issues and finding out where I belong in this crazy world, but I’m learning how to learn about myself, reading, writing, and discovering myself one piece at a time.
Poison.. .not much for originality here. I couldn’t really think of anything other than alcohol or drugs and that didn’t seem like something I wanted to draw and represent me to all who would see this. Cassiopeia is quite literally a champion that uses snake poison. I wish I could’ve come up with something deep and stuff but sometimes simple is good too. I decided to go with my simple chibi style and make the face I call the Aoba face, because it’s a typical face that Aoba makes. Trying to make something like a medusa seem cute was quite a challenge and originally I was going to make a comic where cass spooked Katarina, but then Kat just gives her the really look and continues about her day. Cass would then look down and laugh awkwardly. I was really proud of this drawing because I used reference of Cassiopeia and made it my own in away.
Underwater, the feeling of drowning and hopelessness is something I feel every now and then. It’s not something that I like to openly express, other than typing away on my internet blog obviously, but that feeling seeps into my being every now and then. The interesting about one of my favorite Vocaloid songs (I haven’t listened to Vocaloid in a while T-T) Deep Sea Girl takes a cute character who is often seen smiling, and paints her in a different light. The sad, longing, and lonely girl realizes that some of her sinking is self inflicted. Thankfully the story for this girl ends happily . . . I’m still waiting for mine although my song is a lot longer than three minutes.
Ink is a very unforgiving medium, I couldn’t seem to get the pose I liked Drawing her hair with a brush was proving difficult the giving up of tight control was very difficult for me to do.
This piece frustrated me to no end!!! I tried to use reference sheets, poses, and even some ink drawings for inspiration to draw my favorite sword art online characters, but alas I think it’s one of my worst drawings so far. It was so hard to draw two characters in the same place and keep the proportions and style consistent. Also the reason it looks like a frankenstein freakshow is because the references were pulled from all over the place. It makes me even more sad because these characters are some of my favorites from the franchise and I felt I was letting them down by butchering them. I remember going to my first con Sakuracon and watching ABEC draw Asuna live. .. I didn’t know whether to be inspired or to throw away my dreams once again. Watching a dream die is something I’ve had to do over and over again.
This drawing looks okay, but to say I am proud of it would be a lie. I was getting so frustrated with drawing, and where I am in life. Currently working two jobs, living at home, and having all my pursuits go as far as a wet paper airplane, that I just wanted to draw something that looked nice. I don’t trust my anatomy, poses, eye or anything I do so I looked at one of the still frames from one of my favorite anime series and drew myself in the same poses one of my favorite characters in the franchise. The character has lived much longer than me, but I feel that same existential void. . .I keep searching for the meaning that I can never find anywhere. The fleeting feeling I carry has me wondering why I should grasp at anything at all?
I drew this in the Diner I worked at while having breakfast with my mom. . . it was one of those days where I could just relax and live, do something I enjoyed, and spend a moment in time with her. It’s one of those weird special things that didn’t seem as great as it was in the moment, but it is a precious memory to me. While there a fellow artist told me I needed to work on proportion, and trust me I do not have much pride in my art or my being. How do I work on proportion I ask myself? I don’t protect myself and say it’s for the sake of style. Its just that proportion for artists differ even within one style such as anime. When characters are in motion or performing jaw dropping actions proportions shift. I guess I could just google proportion exercises on and work on some of those, but I am choosing to go through the Ctrl Paint tutorials. . .when I find the time. . . I wanted to tell him I was trying to improve. . . That nothing my hands touched could ever turn to gold. That I felt life closing in on my dreams and piercing them. . .causing them to start to slowly start bleeding.
Ewww!! Obviously inspired by the initial D comic, but I did this on my ten minute break. . . with no reference. It looks bad, but I read something or heard something from someone that said if you want a dream, you must take a small step towards it everyday. One pluck, one drop, one sketch towards that thing you see in your mind. That day I took that step on my ten minute break.
This drawing probably looks like a ten year old’s fan drawing of Saber. . . but I’m so proud of this drawing. I’m proud because this was an original composition, pose, and the character actually had some semblance of Saber. I think that inside of myself there is that ten year old kid that I left behind at some point in my life when I pretended to be someone I wasn’t. I was that kid who like Yu-Gi-Oh, Pokemon, and so many other shows and things. . . but what happened to that boy? Why did I become so afraid of being myself.
People reacted to this drawing. I got comments and likes 15. . . which is a lot for a loser like me mind you, but it felt empty and not deserved. I had taken a screenshot from Porter Robinson’s Shelter Music video and drew it. I heard that people look down on artists who do this, and I feel bad about it trust me, but I wanted to make something that I thought looked good with my hands. To prove to myself that I could do it, but I had felt even worse then I did before I made it. She’s so cute though. Having a virtual world to explore and make everyday doesn’t sound to terrible. . . I mean as long as you can change what your avatar looks like too. I realize that sometimes I use virtual worlds to run away from the one that I’m in, but my brain always asks if this world I’m in is as solid as it seems.
Shattered I was thinking of doing something where a character’s reflection was being broken up on a mirror falling, but that sounded way out of my current skillset so I decided to finally start making a comic shipping two characters from league of legends. . . because Sona and Ahri why not anyway making League of Legends Comics is something Zulidoodles handles way better, but I have my own idea of what League characters would be like outside of killing each other. It’s super moe slice of life dumb stuff though, because yeah. . .
“Hey look a badly drawn city that’s supposed to be teeming with life” cute girls saying mean things. . .That’s not actually what I had in mind when drawing, it was more like “look at the city at night it’s so beautiful with all the lights shining” but I’m happy with the way this drawing turned out even though the anatomy is probably messed up to all end. . . also awkward hands. . . sorry. I was trying to show shading oppostite of what I’m used to doing and having light come from the city itself, but I don’t think I was successful in that.
The Evelynn rework looks good. . . like sexy and way more modern than the old Eve. But with that character design some of those Rioters are into some crazy stuff. . Can I join?? I mean the company and everything. Get your head out of the gutter. But yeah I think the whole thing really fits her character of Agony’s Embrace. . . kind of like a more tempting more deadly and less graceful version of Ahri. She’s fierce gaining pleasure through the pain of others. Also the two lashers are an interesting addition.
I couldn’t find it in myself that day I messed up on the face and was so defeated. I think I was streaming during this too. I remember being defeated. Ink was so cruel if you made a mistake there was no going back it was just there. I had originally planned to make it more dark and mysterious like a good rogue, assassin, ninjaeqsue character should be, but I was defeated and demoralized when that went wrong. It was the third week when I began working two jobs and lived with no day off. I always think to myself. as I’m sitting here making someone else’s dream come true, there is another artist out there working on his craft. I wanted to break my pens, which I had bought due to the time constraints I was putting myself on. I wanted to throw stuff and rip the picture, but that really wouldn’t accomplish anything at the end of the day. So I sat defeated, energy drained, until I let the sweet embrace of sleep take me away.
Day Sixteen was Fat so I drew Maki from Porter Robinson and Mat Zo’s Easy. Easy is a song I actually like more than shelter and the Character Maki is just awesome and no not just because of her looks. Also that familiar thing is cute. Anyway the animation is so good and the painterly style is so easy to fall in love with. I get amazed every time I look at it. I drew this because I’m trying to study music producers and make songs that share certain elements from them, but I haven’t worked on this track for a good week or two. . . going to work on a track after not is like playing skyrim or fallout after you put it down for a month. You forget the state of things and where you are going, but you’re far enough along that it would be a pain in the ass to restart. I want to finish that song and my EP but life is bending me over right now.
I messed up the face again and I was ready to just give up the whole stupid inktober thing right then and there. In my mind were thoughts like, it’s not like you’ll actually get better anyway and I wasn’t born with this special thing that some people seem to have, and although people deny it I believe in it’s existence. I almost cried after messing this up. . . fun fun fun inktober
After my day of defeat I decided the next day that I was gonna take it easy so on this day I decided to use those overpriced art markers I bought and just ink and color one of my sketches. There was supposed to be paint over Sona’s face to signify Filthy, but the bed was calling my name and I was exhausted so all you get is a badly colored Sona. This is one of my first times dealing with alcohol markers though the cash from the job allowed me to purchase them. They’re not Copics, but hey they get the job done. . . it’s probably the artist in this case that’s for damn sure.
Another one of my dreams yet crushed by the cruel world we live, sometimes that is reality. I tried so hard to get good enough at the game I loved to play, but the reality is sometimes even when you try as hard as you can you’re not good enough. I tried so many things to get it to work to, on my stream so I could play this game more to hopefully improve. I still try as a matter of fact. Perhaps if the fabric of reality was as light and fluffy as the clouds that I dream of, they would shift and mold into the reality that I want to see. At the same time what I want now is a symptom of all that I have experienced up to this point. . would it be the same if I was living the dream I conjured up in my mind. Like Maki. . . she seems to have everything , but she is still dissatisfied with her life. If future lives are a thing I want to be able to mold and craft mine. . . but then put myself in it and forget that I designed it in the first place. The cloud9 I knew and loved is gone, the team of meteos, balls, hai, sneaky, and lemonnation. Those days are over, the definition of cloud9 is a state of euphoria almost like a high, and that’s a feeling I haven’t felt in awhile. That feeling is as unattainable as the dream itself. Also I didn’t like how I colored this one I’m poop tier with alcohol markers. . . alright that’s learned.
Yes but look at my facebook I’m so happy I’m always happy all the time I shit rainbows and poop butterflies and money seems to just fall right out of my ass. As you can tell I’m not a very optimistic person, but sometimes it gets tiring to be so fake maybe one day I’ll be randomly selected to receive 1/10th of a nigerian princes fortune after I send him the $4000 dollars he needs to get the money first. Anyway the prompt was broken and I decided to be a smartass and be melodramatic . . . long story short.
Furious. .. am I salty yes I’m fucking pissed . not at anyone or anything really, just the fact that I’m alive and I have existential angst everyday. I feel like a cat that’s being teased with a toy it will never get. I always dream I’ll get to a place where my life has impact and meaning but I always think myself into a corner where I contemplate the point of doing anything at all. Ughoijaeoifjaewoijfaowe Rage typing
On the front porch of my house my dad and I used to hang out. He would smoke his Marlboro Menthol Lights and we would just sit there together looking at the city at night. We listened to the sounds of seals on the docks, foghorns, and planes flying overhead.
This is one of the artworks that I actually liked drawing and although it is far from perfect I liked one of my drawings. That is a rare event, but I guess it can happen. If your wondering about the process I literally looked up a bunch of pictures of cute korean girls way out of my league and pictures of D.V.A. although there were still moments were I would be extremely frustrated. I get the feeling that I’m just not good enough at drawing and just feel impending doom. Sometimes I actually enjoy drawing.
And after I made a drawing I liked I made a drawing that I despised. . . I remember dropping the ink on her neck and feeling deflated .. . also I don’t think I did Senjougahara justice… and hands bleh haands… the facial shape is nreally bad too.. bruhgh. Although if I was blind I wouldn’t even be able to see my shitty drawings. . . If I became blind and wasn’t able to see I think I would be happy even being able to see this poopy drawing again.
This was another one of those . . .I need a confidence boost drawings. . I looked at a screenshot of Aoi Nanami from Yozakura Quartet. I practiced using these overpriced copic markers that I bought .. .and I say that sarcastically because they are probably some of the best markers I’ve used to this date.
I drew this in “my style” which I’m trying to change because I don’t like it, again practicing with those overpriced markers. . . I drew this for me on my time and I enjoyed drawing it. . . I had fun while drawing, but I got salty when I looked at it after sigh
Another comic. .. about effort and my pondering if it is really worth it in the end. . . Some people have magic wizard and people like me don’t I wish there were some special spark I had, but I just don’t in fact it’s the opposite really I’m so painstakingly average that I might as well be the invisible man.
Fall. . . I drew this because there isn’t a day in my life where I don’t think . . . it would be so much easier to just end my life. . . I wouldn’t have to experience all the pain in the ass that is existence. . . I always say whats the point in stopping me. I thought about it how would I do it. . . pills, bleach, a gun… don’t have one of those, falling off of something, . . the bridge by my house, a building downtown, or perhaps the narrows. . . I think it’s the combination of depression and curiosity, the ultimate first person science experience. . . really going into the unknown.
Fusion Ha
Super Moe being fusion dance. . . not much to say here other than my cousin taught me a lot about dragon ball z I finally watched it, but I haven’t gotten the chance to watch super yet . I want to watch so many anime, but time is crushing me into the ground.
I’m looking for something. . . I have no idea what that something is, but when I find it I’ll let you know.
mask on fuck it mask on
The scene where ichigo puts the hollow mask on and fights grimmjow is one of the coolest scenes I’ve seen in a Shounen to this date. . . I know the scene is longer then 11 seconds, but that is due to the limitations of the medium not being able to explain thoughts without saying them in real time as opposed to the manga where it’s all there.
Well theres all my inktober drawings, I think I did most of them, some get lost and stuff because I would do them on random pieces of paper. . October surely is a scary month. What I learned was ink drawings are a pain, but it actually feels nice to use traditional media every now and again. There is no control z in real life though.
