I found myself in that space again, the one where dreams and reality float in an elegant dance. The small idea from so long ago was unfolding into the reality before me, each small step bringing forth this very moment.Waking up into a dream is like making a painting, starting out as a vague blob before turning into clearly defined shapes. Life surprised me again as as small details were rendered before my eyes. Stepping into the small plane greeted me with the smell of recirculated air. The narrow corridor flanked by rows of seats brought all the other flights I had taken to the front of my mind.
The rows of seats reminded me of my first job at the movie theater.
Be The Hero In your Own Movie- Joe Rogan
Words resonated in my head as a different film was taking place in my mind. Taking a trip through time I remembered all the times to and from the Philippines, fear was never a part of being on a plane.
Looking to my right the two empty seats tugged at my heart, those two spaces were usually occupied by two people that loved me for all I was, good and bad. The view outside the window revealed world moving around the plane. Did I move around the universe . . .or did it spin around me? My body’s weight intensified as the small plane picked up speed, jostling back and forward. The rough motion gave way to the ecstasy of floating, the silky motion signaling that we were finally flying.
Weightless
Walking on air is the only way I can describe flying, cutting through space and time tiptoeing on weightless air. Despite learning the mechanics the way flight works, it might as well be a magic carpet. The ecstasy of flying was one I fell in love with a long time ago. Was it when the blue angels visited me when I was near death in the hospital, my first flight, or was it when I saw the cockpit for the first time. Before 9-11 they used to bring kids up into the cockpit, all the instruments and controls make modern airplanes seem more like a star fighter than a real tangible thing.
Attempting to leave the ground and fly had unknowingly affected so many aspects of my life. Running as fast as you can feels like soaring through the air, what are sports but grounded dogfights, even in games like Battlefield 3 I was the ace pilot among my friend group. The reason I drove my car one hundered miles an hour and slid it on rainy days was in pursuit of that feeling. The lofty dreams of flying in something fast and nimble rather the aerial equivalent as a bus was what lead me to wanting to go to the Air Force academy and fly the F-22 Raptor. I had never told anyone that was the reason I joined Sea Cadets in high school, which allowed me to ride an rappel out of the Navy’s equivalent of a Black Hawk. Sliding down that rope made me feel like a character out of one of my favorite books and movies. Like in that movie it all came crashing down when I had torn my ACL my junior year of high school. The wings had been ripped off my back, leaving me a flightless bird, burning up in the atmosphere as I hurdled into the reality that was my life.
My Head In The Clouds
Not only was my head in the clouds my body was there too, I looked out of the thick piece of glass separating me from the cold fast moving air outside of the plane. Seeing what people used to paint as visions of heaven. The warm light of the sun glazing wispy pockets of cold air worthy of holding Saint Peter’s Gates. What brought me back into reality this time was a sight beautiful enough to shift my whole perspective on life. The paradigm shift was brought on by looking at everything in my life from a new angle. Flying over Mount Rainier, I saw the beautiful snow capped mountain from a new place. Everything in my life that seemed so overwhelming was turned into a small dot. Not being sure whether to feel insignificant or lucky that I was able to see the beautiful details of the world at large in everyday life. It was like realizing you were looking at the earth trough a zoom lens your entire life.
Airhead Wasn’t Just a Candy
It was a label my dad had teased me with sometimes growing up. Space case, Day Dreaming, having your head in the clouds, and being entranced by your own imagination often makes people laugh at your seemingly blank expression. My otherworldly excursions were taken notice of by my sports team mates sometimes and started even as young as when I played Tee Ball. Because I had realized right field was an absolutely unnecessary useless position in Tee-Ball,(Kids are a lot more intelligent than we give them credit for) I often spun around, or danced for audiences that weren’t there. Although we space cases get confused for thinking about nothing, sometimes were are in other worlds not visible in the current reality. Our thoughts create chains of more ideas and abstract thoughts, dreaming of alternate realities and world lines. To some of you who believe in the realness and concreteness of life our dreams and visions are nothing but delusions. To me who believes the world itself is a virtual game we are playing, my delusions of grandeur are all real possibilities happening in the giant multiverse simulation of life. Some of those things are not possible in this current timeline, but to me when a game is designed that’s so convincingly real, what is the difference between flying an F-22 in real life opposed to a realistic simulator? If we have games that so realistically simulate past events and environments, who’s to say we aren’t currently experiencing that?
And I’ll Keep Dreaming
I still suffer from the waking dreaming sights like when I’m DJing I visualize a giant crowed there to see the show I’ve crafted in my imagination. My drawings I imagine coming to life and moving. . . like my favorite director Naoko Yamada, it’s the small details I imagine. My visions of the way life could be and should be are what cause me to work so hard to try and anchor onto my dreams and drag them into the solid world. Thinking that my trip to Japan was one of the steps in a larger journey, my eyes got heavier as I retreated into the world of dreams.
Dada da da da In the next episode I find myself surrounded by cute Japanese girls
[…] Head In The Clouds […]