Even without the two child sized bags, the weight of my backpack alone was a burden to bear. Making my way through the beautiful modern architecture of the Vancouver airport, my 3 hour layover meant that it was a necessity to land a prized position close to my gate with a power outlet. After plugging my surface in, I found that my electronics weren’t the only thing that needed recharging. The night with almost no sleep lead me to dozing off in the bright naturally lit airport. The dark void consumed me shattering the illusion of time, the sound of friends exchanging laughs echoed in the vast emptiness. Curiosity lead me to peer into the bright light of existence.
My body remain still as my eyes shifted towards the group of girls laughing, talking, and strolling towards the gate. Immediately I was struck by envy, working two jobs made it hard for me to take the time to relax with my friends. Life had squeezed dry most of the carefree days, my childhood dying a long time ago. My distaste of eye contact lead me to shifting my gaze towards the ground. Locking eyes was how most people connected, but for me it was painfully piercing. Their leisurely walk indicated there was not a worry in their mind as they continued.
Taking a quick scan of the girls revealed how cute they were, but they didn’t look any older than high schoolers. Not feeling like an adult, the fact that I’m twenty three slips my mind most of the time. After turning sixteen my birthday had been just an ordinary day, my family usually cared more than I did every November.
Every small action and detail of the group captivated me, from the outfits they donned to their body language. Even way they carried themselves was different. While the differences weren’t large, being introverted you spend more time watching people than interacting with them so you notice those things. All the time spent watching people did little to help me become more socially aware. Some clutched cute plushies and pillows dragging blankets with similar cute characters on them. I shifted my gaze as to not be discovered, only to make direct eye contact with a girl from similar group making their way towards my gate. Feeling embarrassed I instinctively looked at my phone. Two or three more groups of girls came until they eventually took up a whole section of seats.
Part of me wondered why there weren’t any guys, another part of me asked if I was consciously dreaming in my seat. The hopeless romantic in me spouted non sense like you’ll meet the girl of your dreams here, but the cynical realistic side of me who had grown stronger with every passing day feeding off every crushed dream and failure had quickly beat the voice of the romantic down.
Hearing Japanese announcing my flight over the intercom filled me with a deep sense of joy. After the long seating process exaggerated by the larger size of the plane, I found myself envying those in business class, those with private jets, or me from a couple hours ago as this time getting to my seat was more of an awkward cramped process. I was further saddened to see that my seat wasn’t a window or aisle seat, but the dreaded middle one. Five minutes later and I found myself surrounded by all these Japanese girls. . . I could die a happy right now.
There was only one other person who didn’t look Japanese, they ended up sitting right next to me. Going through a lot of personal growth thanks to some self help books, I decided to strike up a conversation. Most of my life I had lived like Hachiman Hikigaya, a hyper self aware, narcissistic, cynical being whose only concern was oneself. Thanks to reading a book called How To Win Friends and Influence People I was starting to take genuine interest in those around me. (Sad I had to read a book to figure that out)
Other people are the most peculiar and interesting things on the planet. Shutting out real people for so many years, I had taken to anime and games to fall in love with the virtual recreations of that which was always before my eyes. For even the most well crafted fictional characters pale in comparison to their living breathing counterparts. The deep interesting motivations, thoughts, and stories vary drastically from person to person. A collective mass of memories shape the way they carry themselves.
When Talking to others, I usually enjoy asking more questions and listening, rather than talking about myself, for the least interesting thing in the world to me is myself. . . thanks to my journal and my hyper sense self awareness I knew a lot about myself. Although I still have much to learn and discover about my true limits and capabilities, there is much more to learn about others.
“What brings you to Japan?” was the question that lead to a conversation that went on and off for the whole flight. Cherise was a marine biologist who was going to Japan to give a presentation on marine life. She spent most of her time sailing and researching in the vast blue frontier of the ocean. I found out that she had been on National Geographic and was featured in various documentaries. Speaking to someone who is doing what they enjoy for a living makes you believe that you can do the same. To my right was one of the girls from the large group I was eyeing earlier. I felt nervous being so close. . . doing something embarrassing like talking in my sleep or falling asleep on someones shoulder was the last thing I wanted.
Wearing something reminiscent of a surgical mask all I could see was the top half of her nose and her eyes, but I could tell she was really pretty. Do I look weird? Do I smell bad? I hate this buzz-cut I really miss my green hair. Thoughts I hadn’t felt in a while raced through my mind. . . being next to beautiful women is dangerous, but despite the occasional word and actions regarding standard plane affair. With the language barrier, It was hard to find something to talk about. Japanese culture didn’t allow for starting conversations with a strangers. It was far from normal, but normality was never the status-quo for me, so anytime we made eye contact I smiled. Despite her face being behind the pristine white mask, I could see her eyes smiling back at me.
After reading through half a book and several movies once again I felt myself falling from the heavens. This time the sensation wasn’t burning through the atmosphere , it was a graceful decent into a new chapter in my life. Upon landing the entire plane cheered I found myself cheering too. Looking over over to my right we locked eyes and exchanged laughs “Japan” she said smiling through the mask. “Nippon” slipped through the grin on my face. While the plane was taxing on the runway I took the time to pack all my goods. Making sure not to forget anything, everything was tucked away. The only thing let to do was wait, I had nothing better to do so I just studying my surroundings. People watching was one of my favorite things to do.
The group of girls were busy taking selfies announcing their return to their various friend groups. I used to think the ever present threat of death and impermanence was a bad thing, after a lot of contemplation, reading, and listening to philosophers discuss the topic, I had realized it was more freeing than anything. The motivational videos I had watched had lead me to a clip of Steve Jobs saying “You are already naked, death comes for us all so you might as well do what scares you.”.
There is nothing more interesting and scary than a beautiful girl, but I did know, girls being the way they were never satisfied with the first couple of photos. Adjusting their hair and preparing themselves for another shoot. Granted me an opportunity to let out my inner-goofball and face my fears. Although death and impermanence makes our triumphs and victories fade, it does the same for our failures and embarrassments, so you really have everything to gain and nothing to lose.
At the last moment I posed and looked straight into the lens of the camera throwing up the peace sign and smiling. Much to the amusement of the small group, they laughed and gestured for another picture. Being silly for that small moment allowed me to talk to the quiet girl next to me. Using my terrible and broken Japanese was the only way to learn and move forward. なぜカナダいた？高校生の旅行する？(Why were you in Canada? A high school trip?) What I found out gave me an internal sigh of relief as the girls were on a school trip, not for high-school but for College. . . . they looked so young though, Saki handed me a small charm that looked like a sushi roll. I used my Japanese to express that I was allergic to fish, but I was really grateful for the omiyage. One of the other girls was also shared in my pain of not being able to eat fish, I figured if a Japanese person could be allergic to fish and survive than so could I.
Small moments like this are what make life worth living just as much as the large milestones we hit. For me I could never forget the small exchange of kindness shared that day. My first five minutes in Japan and I was already enjoying myself.
<3 You
Is there a time you got over small fears and something amazing happened?
Usually the thing that separates us from a more exciting life isn’t something major it’s something small.
I hope this encourages you to take the small risks that make life worth living check the last episode!!
Head In The Clouds
The Next Chapter Is Here!!
We All Get Dragged Down To Earth
[…] Dada da da da In the next episode I find myself surrounded by cute Japanese girls […]