When I first started this blog I thought that every post had to be some sort of grand gesture. After reading a bit of Small is the New Big by Seth Godin, I now see that even small bits of life are great for posts too. . . well, that’s really all that most people, me included, have the attention span for.
Because my dream is to become an animator among other things, I took it upon myself to try and make a drawing almost every day. Making a sketch a day as part of my lunch routine has really helped to keep me honest(I have to eat you know). In the past two years, I’ve made giant progress in my skill with linework and pencil drawings. What’s amazing about this progress is there was no sense of direction. Some days I would sketch people in front of me, others I’d try to replicate the linework of something online, or I’d try to remix different things I knew into something new.
This mixed bag approach got me to where I was, but a couple of months ago my progress really seemed to grind to a halt. To continually improve, I would need to work smarter and not harder. I began reading anatomy books, watching videos, and started planning on things I wanted to work on.
Much of the time I try to draw with 3/4 view as it’s the view I find the most visually interesting and pleasing, but I challenged myself to do a profile drawing. Originally I sat down at the lunch table, scarfed down my food, and proceeded to draw this.
This was my favorite character from my favorite series, his mood in this image reflected what I was feeling. Struggling with the current situation, my eczema, my career, and my finances the image seemed to have it all. It seemed that I would be able to draw this picture perfectly. . . I ended up getting so frustrated I just trashed the drawing and started on something new.
I Had Given up on Drawing Hachiman
As I was working on the new drawing one of the few people who actually talk to me on campus came to sit down next to me. I was drawing a girl this time. . . I seem to struggle to draw guys, but I was persisting in trying to draw the side view. . . it was a battle erasing. . . redrawing. . . I just couldn’t get it right.
Once I had the proper shape for the face, I looked up and saw a girl sitting a couple of tables away with a ponytail…usually, I use a magazine or a phone to avoid being creepy, but my phone had a broken screen so that wasn’t an option this time.
While I Was Drawing
The girl who sat directly across from me began speaking to me.
“How are you??” she asked, occasionally looking up from eating.
“Well I can’t say I’m great, but It’s not terrible either.” I started to give honest responses to that question. “How are you?”
“I’m in pain. . . my legs are kind of sore” she had gone on a 140-kilometer bike ride, which was something my lazy gamer self couldn’t even begin to imagine. I expressed my amazement, telling her how impressed I was. We sat her eating as I drew the picture. . . occasionally I would look up to reference the sweater she was wearing for my drawing.
“Ah wow who is that?!” She asked looking at the drawing. Feeling like I had been caught using her clothes as a reference I panicked.
“It’s no one. . .” I responded caught off guard . . .it really was no one.
“Oh I thought it looked like Elsa” she returned to eating. . . I saw an image in my mind of the Ice Queen sitting in a warm room in a casual comfy sweatshirt. . . that might just make a good image if I ever get the skills.
“Ah, I wanted to see Frozen 2 I just never got around to it” since now this drawing was Elsa I began to draw the signature braid. . . the front of her hair I would need to look at reference for, but I could do that later.
I should have been happy
While we were chatting she looked at my face and paused for a bit. . .
“Are you okay??” she said gesturing towards her face” is it a sunburn?”. . . I knew what she meant. The skin on my face was red, swollen, inflamed, and covered with patches of peeling dead skin. She was only concerned . . . I should have been happy that she cared enough to ask. . . but I only felt a concoction of negative emotions. Flashbacks of kids making fun of me in my schooling growing up came to the for the front of my mind. I was embarrassed about my skin. . . I lost all words. Anger also surged through my mind. . . not at the girl, but the world and existence for burdening me with this ailment. Despair and sadness took me over as I gave a sigh.
“It’s my eczema. . .I can’t really do anything about it and it’s been pretty bad as of late”. . .the tone of my voice lay heavy with defeat.
“Oh I have a friend that has that.” she responded but all I could do and stare into space and think about how much better my life would be without the stupid ailment. “. . . well I have it too every now and then”
“Oh yeah, I think I saw some on your neck the other day”. . . I said without thinking. . . my powers of observation seemed to either cast her towards a similar thought train as me or creep her out. The awkwardness of the moments after caused the conversation to die.
I looked down at the drawing. . . it must be nice to be in an animated art world where nobody has eczema I thought. . . as I packed up my things. . . the small smile that the character had on her face was optimism that didn’t carry over from my drawings into real life.
