Wow, I haven’t “put pen to paper in awhile”, what an archaic phrase. I’m halfway through level 29 of life and time seems to be getting faster and faster. I have my weird theories on life. One of them is as you get older time moves faster. It seems there is an inverse relationship between time and your age. 1 year feels like it will last forever when you’re in high school, at thirty you never have enough time in a year.
This year has been particularly challenging. I’d started a new job, moved to a new house, and have seen some growth in my pursuits. In this era of social media, technology, life moves fast. All the modern challenges that life makes it seem impossible. Who has time to step on the brakes and slow down? In my pursuit of a better life, I’ve been mindful about lacking time to sit down. I know I haven’t had the time to sit, reflect, and do something I enjoy. So I made time.
Life Begins at Thirty
Every time I talk to my older friends and family about life they seem to minimize my problems. “Life begins at 30“, “Ah your career will work out”, ” You’ll have enough money”, “It will be fine”, “You’re not old”, “You’re not a loser”.
These are things that I fundamentally can’t agree with, but I think it’s because little friends I have come from different eras of life. I hate calling myself creative because I don’t feel that way, but perhaps it’s a struggle all creative people have. Life doesn’t begin at thirty. Realistically I am a loser. I don’t make a lot of money, I’m not working in the industry I’d like(although I do enjoy my current job), and finally I don’t have a romantic partner. In all objective aspects of life, I’m not doing great.
I’m not going to blame society, there are aspects beyond my individual level of control that affect my life, but dwelling on what you can’t control won’t get you anywhere. I know I’ve sunk time into pointless pursuits that I enjoy, or haven’t been as efficient, organized, or responsible with my time, money, or lifestyle. That doesn’t mean it’s impossible to change, but it becomes harder at thirty.
For some 10 years now I’ve struggled to squeeze in the time for work and all the things I enjoy. Often sacrificing sleep to get better at making music, drawing, photography, art, or the least useful thing eSports. In my twenties, I could work out, stay up late, work, and also develop my skills and still have enough energy to get myself into trouble. Now. . . after work I find myself lying down with little time to reflect, study, or improve. Most importantly the time to sit down write about things and ground myself.
The Empty Page, Perfectionism, Hesitation, Consistency
I couldn’t think of what to call this section of the blog. I’m probably not using blog post headlines the most efficiently. WordPress. . . add that to the long list of skills I need to learn for modern relevancy. I feel like an archaic smartphone trying to get software updates for its own anemic and outdated hardware. Above are the reasons I’m struggling not only to write but in my other pursuits. Just starting to write anything down is a challenge in itself. There is a large amount of pages I’ve written in my own personal OneNote that have never seen the light of day.
Hesitation holds me back not only in writing but in life in general. I find it amusing that I study mindfulness only to struggle with it. There’s a beautiful space where body, thoughts, mind, and action become one fluid motion. I often find myself overthinking and sitting thinking about doing something rather than just doing it.
Staying consistent is difficult for me as well. I find I’ll go through a period of life where I feel like I’ve found my form. I’m uploading content, learning, reflecting, and improving in various aspects of my life, but then there’s a dropoff occurs. Perhaps it’s of my motivation or energy. Perhaps it also feels something feels like it’s gone missing? Recently, I haven’t been consistent, but over the longer period I have slowly marched toward things I’ve wanted.
All of This is Going Online
There is a debate in my mind about whether I should upload all I do. Just knowing that it will be shared with the internet inherently changes the way you present something. I try to be as authentic as possible whether it will show me in a good light, or bad light, or how it might be perceived. I know not all of my thoughts, opinions, or posts will be popular, in fact, the majority aren’t. There have been a couple of posts I’ve made that feel a little corny. We’ve all seen those corney social media videos. But perhaps I just can’t accept that people can be that happy?
Short form content has a meta. I’m not happy with the cheesy way I have to present it. Reels need a good hook people, but I’ve realized that’s part of playing the social media game. Also my idea of garnering more “likes” before was a little naive it is somewhat of a hollow feeling. But I’ve never really chased likes for validation, it is somewhat of an objective measure of quality in some regards. Even more than that I see it as a utilitarian tool and yardstick. Hopefully, that analytical measuring tool will help me to either monetize a platform directly by building my brand, or I’ll be able to take those analytical measurements and secure a higher-paying job or something along those lines.
The Real Me
Other than the SNS tools I use regularly, this blog is simply my thoughts. Before I experimented with the idea of using analytical tools for SEO purposes. There are analytical measurement tools built into WordPress, but my autistic nature of seeing a process and wanting to make the arbitrary numbers higher got the better of me a lot. While I see the importance for maximizing SEO efficiency when making posts like “Things to do in Tokyo”, for other things such as my thoughts I should just let them be that. My thoughts.
I might use AI to help present my thoughts more clearly and concisely while not changing my prose significantly, but that’s only for the sake of time of my dear readers whom I have a small collection. Although I’ve said that numbers start to mean less as you get more, I also recognize that anytime someone reads, watches, or interacts with my content in some way shape, or form I realize how much of a gift it is. I think one of the themes of this post is how little time we have, so any of that time someone uses to watch one of my creations is something I should appreciate.
Managing Emotions
There’s a lot of research that shows the very thought of gratitude is enough to change your emotional outlook on life. . . One of the things that’s not to popular is my outlook on the world. I wouldn’t say that I have a negative outlook on life, I’m definitely not stupidly optimistic like a dog, but I’m not doomsday either. I try to see the world for what it is. Positive and negative coexist together, I try to be as stoic as possible, but that can also make life feel like a numb emotionless endeavor.
I guess that’s where writing does come in. How do I feel? Where is my mental space? Goals plans aspirations for the future? I think the best thing is to just write about it.
Tourism, Travel, and Tasting New Things
When I landed the job in the travel industry I didn’t know what to expect. It’s been challenging and I’ve been pushed in several areas, but it’s also been really exciting. I just wrapped up a trip to Umi No Kyoto, Koyasan, Osaka, and Hakone and I’m scheduled to go to Nagano next week for a hiking and Cycling tour. As exciting as it is, it feels like I’m playing an RPG and I’ve taken on too many side quests. In the past two months, I think I’ve only spent a total of two and a half weeks in my home. My apartment isn’t the nicest place, but I still enjoy a quality session behind my triple monitor setup doing whatever I like during the day.
There’s been a lot of positives about working in the travel industry, however. The first of which is yes I get to go to all these amazing locations in the real world. I take comfort in virtual spaces and inherently believe virtual spaces are just another reality that we tap into, I also see the value of going outside and getting inspired by what’s around me. Anyone who’s read my blog will have seen this quote before, but the most elegant way I’ve heard it be illustrated is by the late Alan Watts.
There is a possibility, if you are an extraordinarily skilful painter or even photographer, of presenting the dirty ashtray so that everybody else will see almost what you saw in it.”
— Alan Watts
Mindfulness
Being able to look at simple things like ants walking on a tree trunk, the formation of islands, or a duck swimming in the pond and be amazed is a space I’m trying to place myself in. It also helps to visit all these beautiful locations, but I’ve been trying to see the beauty in the world around me. The easiest way for me to think about it is to have a beginner’s mind. Seeing things as if you’ve never witnessed them before can help you appreciate the beauty of the ordinary world. It can also help bring some inspiration to your own creations. It’s one thing to see, but it’s another thing to witness.
Skills I’ve Gained as a Tour Leader
One thing I’ve learned from my multi-paletted career is that you can take a variety of skills from a position you thought didn’t have anything to do with what you wanted to be. Much like an adventure game or novel, skills you gain along your journey will help in achieving your dream. (Well that’s the hope anyway) It’s all experience that you can apply to other tasks or endeavors. A good example of this is how when you fix a car, sometimes you need to use tools creatively to solve a problem.
And then you can use this not a hammer to help loosen this nut here
After930
Hard Skills
- Budgeting
- Expense Reporting
- Schedule Adherence Time Management
- Product Design
- Translation
- Navigation
- Project Management
- Social Media Creation
- Japan Knowledge
Soft Skills
- Adaptability
- Conflict Resolution
- Leadership
- Communication
- Decision Making
- Emotional Intelligence
- Empathy
- Patience
- Critical Thinking
- Organization
If I were to think of all the skills I’ve improved or gained in the tourism industry I believe it would be hard to quantify. It’s funny how an autistic, nerdy, shut-in like me is in charge of up to 16 adults in a country they’ve never been in before. It’s great that I get to travel while improving and simultaneously applying these skills in the field. I’ve benefitted a lot in places that are typically quite challenging for neurodivergent people. Communication, Presentation, empathy, and emotional intelligence in particular have been challenging for me growing up. Now that I’m required to use these cross-class skills daily, I find that my RPG character is becoming more well-rounded.
Skill Transfer
I’ve even taken some of the skills I’m learning on the job and am slowly applying them to my life. I’ve always wanted to get better at tracking budgets, expenses, and finances in my personal life (I actually did after graduation when I was living at home, but then when I moved to Japan and my expenses got more intense I stopped). It’s funny how the thought of loss can make you good at something, it makes sense with the psychological principle called loss aversion. I will lose money if I don’t track my expenses and claim things through my company. So this means things like keeping receipts, or at least images of them, have been built into my being.
My organizational skills have seen big improvements too. I’m often handed a large bundle of important documents, tickets, and so many other things that I need to keep track of that my new favorite thing to buy are little containers and folders at the 100yen shop. I’ve been starting to bleed this practice into home as I’ve optimized and organized my tiny apartment. While I would like a larger apartment, instead of focusing on what I don’t have, I’ve turned to fully utilizing the space available.
Reflecting on my Time
Reflecting on my time as a tour leader is difficult because of the wealth of life experiences I’ve been having. There was a time when I met a Japanese family in the Asakusa area who paid for my and a couple of my customer’s dinner and drinks because they had such a good time being around us. It’s been quite a regular thing for me to see such beautiful and remote locations like Amanohashidate or Koyasan. Hell tomorrow, or later today considering it’s 5 am, I’m going to Gifu and Kamikochi for a cycling and bike adventure. It helps that we write daily email reports so that I can use my workplace practice to remind me of all the wonderful things that have happened in my life.
Development and Progress Outside of Work
Many of you who actually bother to read this collection of stuff I put on the internet will know that I can’t stop creating. Whether it’s my music, animation, gaming, YouTube, or some obscure form of writing I can’t produce something. While I’ve never considered myself creative every time I go on a rant towards my friends or family, usually alcohol induced, I say that I’m not creative, but also list the things I do. They also scoff playfully and laugh when I say I’m not creative because I think some of the views I have of the world are playfully outside of the box. Also if I lacked a creative muscle I wouldn’t be urged to put all these things out into the world.
I think I’ve always been a creative person, but I’ve never been particularly skilled at any of it. I’ve always played around with the guitar, drawing, making costumes, or even creating maps inside of video games. One of the more fun things you can do in Forza is make custom skins for your cars. I can’t explain the feeling of that creative urge but it’s there and it pushes you to put something out. Sometimes to your detriment.
Obsessive Focus
I think I get obsessed when I get into that creative flow because for a second you’re not you. You lose yourself in that creative process and become “it” and I chuckle and laugh because that’s what Alan Watt’s Says in his playful voice before he laughs. Then I lose sleep because as much as I am a night owl and believe that work for creative people shouldn’t run on a strict schedule, reality is a little different.
I love to even create things I’m not good at. While maybe I should focus on videography, I love to draw anime. I’ve gotten feedback from friends that writing and videography are two skills I’m good at, but I love illustration and animation. While I believe there is some improvement to be had, I doubt I could make illustration the main focus of my life.
Clutch Kickback and Growth in Videography
After a long time of running a not-so-successful YouTube channel, I decided to start splitting my content into individual channels. I’ve seen a lot more growth in dedicating a particular channel to a certain topic. With my main social media, I do too much, algorithms don’t know what to do with me, or they’re structured in a way to gain you a certain audience so they can sell things with ads and make money. With laidback JDM it’s more simple, it’s only about cars. The algorithm knows exactly who to show my content to.
But more than that It’s being at these events and meeting people. Getting to be in a space where everyone loves the same thing is magical. I’ve written a LinkedIn post about starting to understand the social part of social media so I won’t retread the same water. But it’s nice I’m seeing some growth in an area I’d more like to fully dive into.
Personal Profile Growth
I’ve also seen some growth on my own social media channels due to being able to travel to other locations and get videos there. I make what I call cheesy cringe content but everyone seems to like it. While I want to get into more professional productions with more advanced equipment, sometimes I’ve leaned into making these seemingly lower-effort videos with just my smartphone and a story. Just doing that alone has allowed me to give myself more freedom for expression and content in general. I was talking to my friends and it felt sad there was a lack of them in my videos, but I also don’t want to ruin the vibe and be “that influencer” who’s first reaction is to shove a camera in their friend’s faces.
I will type this here I care about the quality, content, and expression of any piece of work I produce from blog posts, music, videos or anything else, but the perfectionism I harbor in my mind holds me back.
Accountability
I’ve realized it’s been a while since I’ve written one of these blog posts. While my eventual goal is to turn this website into something valuable so I can prove my mom wrong, I’ve done a bad job of keeping myself accountable. But I also feel comfortable sharing more of my life with everyone, and in some way, shape, or form I will continue to create. It pains me to put this to-do list here because it shows you my lack of accountability(not in my job) but to myself to build the life I want, but I’ll place it here to remind myself.
The Importance of Reflection TIme
It’s only now that I get to the entire point of this article. So much has happened that it’s hard for me to even write it down. I feel like life is always gas gas gas Inserts initial d meme that we never have time to slow down and press on the brakes. We’d all move a little faster and have a smoother ride if we learned how to press on the brakes and hold on the brakes for a little longer as we turn. In racing that’s called trail braking and it helps cars achieve better lap times due to weight transfer. I think that we should apply this trail-braking technique to our lives and slow down a bit. Having this time to write has been wonderful for me to see what I’ve actually gotten up to with my life and learn about myself.
Introspective Audit
I’ve been doing a lot of self-learning recently, “master yourself, master the enemy” not because I’m a narcissist or fully in love with myself. It’s much the opposite, I’m learning to love myself so I can be more comfortable connecting with others. The more comfortable you are with yourself the more you’ll put into the world and other people can grab hold of that. For instance today I had a small conversation with the person who served me my beef sushi, yes that’s a thing, because I was wearing a Sailor Moon t-shirt that I got from the Sailor Moon Museum.
You can also start to understand why you do certain things and what makes you tick. I’ve been reconnecting with my love of anime and rewatching some older series. I’ve even gone back to replay some older games to see anew. Today I also connected with a younger customer because he reminded me a lot of myself when I was his age.
Photography
What got me onto this whole idea of lacking time to reflect was my love of photography. I sat down to edit some photos an realized a couple of things.
- Wow the sensor quality and dynamic range of modern cameras is nice.
- I haven’t had time to edit photos recently
- there’s a lot of photos to get through
- There’s a lot of videos to go through
- I’ve gotten better at photo editing
As I sat down and got to editing I realized all those things in almost an instant. When I finally started to move the sliders, I realized what little I saw in photos and how much more things could be tweaked to give my vision of the world to other people. I realized that’s the powerful thing about photography, you’re sharing your perspective with other people. My idea with photography is to subtly or less than subtlety guide people’s eyes to something I find interesting about an area. Using a combination of exposure, color, and clarity adjustments we can get a nice image. It’s the masks and lines that determine how and what people will notice in the frame.
What do I want my picture to be? What story do I want to tell? Who do I want to be and how can I do my best to get there? Maybe life is only just beginning at 30 after all?
TO DO LIST
Keep better track and record of finances- Design Shirts, Clothes, Sweaters, and Products for the brand
- Make a diagram of LaidbackLifestyle funnels and web
- Redesign website to integrate product sales
- Cleanup YouTube channels, linking, and tags
- Send Ophelia, Monstercat, and Other Labels a Demo. . .how do I put together a demo and press kit?
- Visualizer for “Lost at Sea”
- Vertical Visualizer
- Visualizer for “Feel Good Inc.” Drumstep Remix
- Upload any Video To LaidbackGaming
- Finish Editing Yokohama Photos and Post Them Online
- Make a reel with trending audio of before and after edits
- Draw anime characters on them for laidbackanime
- Create Shortform Content from Nissan Global HQ
- How to Make Music Video DAW
- A7III Review
Make some Art
Need to keep myself honest come on maruko ganbare!!
