I haven’t written anything in a long time. It’s been months since my last blog post, and I haven’t even bothered with my personal OneNote. Living in virtual spaces makes it easy to dissociate from reality. Why wouldn’t I want to detach from the reality I live in?
Things aren’t terrible, but they aren’t great either. My terminally online lingo has me saying life is pretty mid. When I play games, I escape into amazing adventures. It’s nice to feel like a winner sometimes, but I haven’t felt like one lately. My head is in the clouds, dreaming of the impossible, feeling disappointed with the existence before me.
Honor This Incarnation
Through my passion for philosophy, technology, fiction, and fantasy, I often ponder the nature of ultimate reality. This isn’t a new problem; one of my favorite genres is cyberpunk. It tackles the essence of these themes. Oddly, the late spiritual and philosophical thinkers help me the most with my existential dread. Life feels overwhelming most days. On my days off, I have trouble getting out of bed.
When life feels like too much, the best advice from my favorite thinkers isn’t spiritual but grounded practical advice. Alan Watts and Ram Dass, with their extensive life experience, provide comfort. They talk about our place in the universe and the purpose of existing, making me feel less alone in contemplating these conundrums.
Ram Dass might have reached his existential crisis through spiritual practices, not technology, but his advice to “Honor this incarnation” goes a long way.
That Place
I can’t find the exact quote now, but Ram Dass has a term for people like me. We love being “high,” and I’m not talking about drugs. While I’m no stranger to substances legal in Seattle, it’s not what I mean by high. I hate to call it spiritually high because that sounds arrogant.
Alan Watts’ words resonate with me:
There are certain states of consciousness in which you experience that everything is interconnected: everything “goeswith” everything else.
Alan Watts
I love that spiritual state. Everyone has experienced it in some way—through painting, sports, music, or gaming. If it were up to me, I’d permanently exist in that state. Yet, most days, I feel chained to base reality. Trying to attain that state can be frustrating. Like an addict chasing a hit, the same actions don’t always bring you there.
For example, I can no longer compete in sports. Sometimes creative work is more frustrating than freeing, and online games don’t always go well. Even praying, meditating, or thinking can lead to more friction.
Wash Your Bowl
What does Ram Dass mean by “Honor This Incarnation”? I’ll let him explain it:
Alan Watts shares a similar story:
A monk told Joshu: “I have just entered the monastery. Please teach me.”
Joshu asked: “Have you eaten your rice porridge?”
The monk replied: “I have eaten.”
Joshu said: “Then you had better wash your bowl.”
At that moment the monk was enlightened.
A Guru often resolves spiritual dilemmas with practical wisdom and complex inquiries with simple clarity. Instead of thinking myself into another reality, I need to ground myself in this one. The most effective way is through reading and writing, hence this blog post.
Reflecting
Without writing, I feel lost. An introspective period of reflection helps me place myself in the world. Brewing in a stew of emotions and experiences helps me learn about myself. I consider myself a continual work in progress. Like many posts have articulated, I’ll always feel that what I’m doing isn’t good enough. I’m not alone in feeling this way. Watching “Inside Out 2” resonated deeply with me:
When Riley’s personification of joy talked about “feeling less joy” when growing up, it tugged on my heartstrings. When Riley’s sense of self transformed into “I’m not Good Enough,” it reverberated through my soul. I thought back to my youth—part of me wished to regress, while another part was glad it was over. It was an odd mix of emotions that I had seen personified and animated in a Pixar film. The magic of great family animation is that it’s relatable to everyone. Ah animation is the industry I long to join, but that’s another tangent for another day.
It’s odd how our reflection can be seen in cartoons, but the reflection I’m referring to at this moment is looking back.
It’s Been A Year
My life isn’t anything special, but looking back a year, I was in a worse position—unemployed, homeless, living in my cousin’s spare room. Despite having a job, apartment, and living in a foreign country now, something still feels missing. Most days, I don’t look forward to waking up and “washing my bowl.”
Life seems like a mundane cycle of eating, doing laundry, and paying bills. David Foster Wallace sums up my thoughts hilariously in a commencement speech:
It’s A Choice
“This is Water” is a speech I’ve watched several times. It makes me appreciate my liberal arts degree and the everyday struggle of waking up in the rat race. Wallace is right about the small choice to think differently about the people around you. To stay awake and aware as I navigate Tokyo’s public transportation, visit the conbini, or go to Starbucks. Although it is a lot easier to be genuinely happy at Japanese Starbucks as it seems they only hire cute Japanese Women.
It’s also a choice to believe that life will get better. I choose to believe in this every time I create something—drawing, video, song, or blog post. Why I still believe things can get better might be stubbornness or delusion. A part of me asks why I persist:
Still Seeking Change
Many things I want to do seem impossible. Getting out of bed some days feels impossible, yet I achieve that regularly. It’s time to start aiming for larger steps. Believing your life can change is one thing; taking action is another. Tim Ferris is someone I’ve looked up to for years, so I started there.
To say I’ve been in a life slump despite improvements is an understatement. I’ve been in a creative rut despite having stories to tell. Recalibrating and learning about myself led me to a Google Drive document that stood out.
While there’s a lot of “life-changing advice” online, Tim Ferris intrigues me. Unlike fake gurus, Tim’s wealth comes from legit book sales and his podcast. He’s wealthy but doesn’t flaunt it and is philanthropic. While many online gurus have been exposed as phony, Tim passes the test.
What Am I Chasing
Tim starts his document with a quote:
“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.”
— Mark Twain
I’ve shifted my content to be more like other creators. I’ve used tricks like sweeps and transition noises and made my videos more like Instagram. But the feeling of getting likes on social media is empty. What’s the point if I don’t like what I’m creating? I’m not Mr. Beast, so why Mr. Beastify my videos? It would be different if the videos improved my financial situation, but they didn’t. So why compromise my creative vision?
I got into cinematic storytelling for my love of film and video games. If my content doesn’t move me closer to that, what’s the point?
Reality is Negotiable
I opened this post emphasizing the need to get back in touch with reality. Tim’s document says reality is largely negotiable. Many things I want to do seem impossible.
“You’ll quickly discover that most limitations are a fragile collection of socially reinforced rules you can choose to break at any time.” — Tim Ferris
At almost 30, entering the games industry seems difficult. But one of last year’s biggest games was made by two people. There is a path, though socially frowned upon.
Within the next two years, I’ve decided to move from Japan back to America. I’ll likely live with my mom and sister to save money, opening many opportunities and doors. Despite the stigma, I’ll probably be happier. With the money saved, I can repair/build my cars and hopefully save for art school.
My cousin said, “By the time you leave home, you’ve spent 80 percent of the time with your parents.” Why not spend the time with them while I can? Japan will be around longer than my parents; I can always return.
The 17 Questions That Changed Tim’s Life
- What if I did the Opposite for 48 Hours?
- What do I spend a silly amount of money on? How Might I scratch my Own Itch?
- What Would I do/have/be if I had $10 Million? What is my Real TMI?
- What are the worst things that could happen? Could I get back here?
- If I could only work 2 hours per week on my business, what would I do?
- What if I let them make decisions up to $100? $500? $1,000?
- What’s the least crowded channel?
- What if I couldn’t pitch my product directly?
- What if I created my own real-world MBA?
- Do I need to make it back the way I lost it?
- What if I could only subtract to solve problems?
- What Might I put in place to allow me to go off the grid for 4 to 8 weeks, with no phone or email?
- Am I hunting antelope or field mice?
- Could it be that everything is fine and complete as is?
- What would this look life if it were easy?
- How can I throw money at this problem? How can I “waste” money to improve the quality of my life?
- No hurry, no Pause.
Some of these questions cater to corporate life, which I’ve never had. But they can be adapted to other problems via critical thinking. I’m trying to make my way into creative content creation.
What if I did the Opposite for 48 Hours?
Starting with question one is a good place to end the blog. In a world of shallowly researched videos, what if I went deeper? One thing that separates my content is my ability to get obsessed over one thing.
In my cinematic video content, that includes a lot of macro shots and a narrow depth of field. With gaming, it means getting obsessively good at one game. Finally, with writing and research, it means taking time to get intimate with these 17 questions.
It’s one thing to read about these questions and another to apply them. See you in the next post.
