Fear of Beginning
After starting the year off on a great note I’ve made it a part of my late New Year’s Resolution to start writing more. I’ve committed to the idea of Creative Renewal in the New Year. Some of this motivation comes from conversations with friends and comments online. My good friend Dave said that my writing carries a level of self-awareness that is hard to find. He then went on to tell me that my videography paints a unique perspective of how I see the world.
I’ve always found it difficult to accept compliments, I find I subconsciously brush them under the rug. For me compliments are like participation trophies I don’t deserve. Perhaps due to my pursuit of greatness, obsessiveness, or lack of self-confidence, I find it hard to accept Ideas or perspectives that challenge my beliefs. It’s downright rude to turn down a compliment, it’s as if you’re telling the other party their perspective doesn’t matter. Even with all the compliments I get, all I can see are flaws in my work, life, and character. Compliments are hushed into whispers as the voice in my head screams YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
That thought reverberates and amplifies until it’s a white noise that consumes the soundscape of my mind. During my Creative Renewal in the New Year I want to focus on the Idea of “You are Enough”. Friends have floated the plea in little bottles through an ocean of racing thoughts. If you get enough positive feedback, it can break through the sound wall and start to sink in. The little messages of hope have started to chink away at my thick skull. Growing up, my dad always told me I had a thick skull. The extra armor around my brain did help me in American football, but I’ll save that story for another time.
Creative Renewal in the New Year vs. a Blank Canvas
My Creative Renewal in the New Year didn’t start as seamlessly as I’d like. As I sat down to blog, I stared at the empty white screen. That screen reflected the contents of my mind. Before beginning the act of creation, I almost felt as if ideas and thoughts were abundant in my head. Upon sitting down, the ideas in my head dried up like water in a desert. As a result, it took me five minutes to take a step forward and start typing. The thought of a blank canvas is intimidating.
Having a fresh or new project to hammer out is exciting. My fear often matches my level of electrifying excitement. One of the reasons I find it hard to start is an empty page. Before we put anything down, a blank canvas has infinite potential. When we start to mold a project we inherently place limits on what it can be. These factors involve our scale of operations, the time we have, and the current skill at which we can produce it. I find at my current skill level, the imagined version in my mind trumps the quality of what I can bring out into the world.
What if I could reframe the start of projects?
Creative Renewal in the New Year Brings Beginnings
Although it’s almost a month into the new year, the year itself still feels fresh and new. Like a blank project, it still feels chalked to the brim with new surprises and experiences. I look forward to the new Year, but I don’t feel the same way about new projects. Why is that? Fresh new projects carry that same feeling of a new beginning. Maybe in life, it’s easier to get a view of the larger image. Although I was feeling pretty beat up about my 2023, I realized just because I’ve had one bad year it doesn’t mean my life has been a waste. Contrarily when I’m struggling with a piece of creative work I equate that level of work to my value as an artist, musician, or videographer.
Self Importance
While influencers often carry a mantle of self-importance, broadcasting their lives as if inherently significant, I’ve found myself at the opposite end of this spectrum. Despite sharing much of my life online, I’ve never felt it held intrinsic value worthy of documentation. This, however, leads to an intriguing thought. What if I made a conscious effort my life into something worth documenting?
This shift in perspective opens up new avenues, particularly in how we create content. We can craft content with the intention of informing others, inspiring them, or lifting them up. The essence of this approach lies not in flaunting one’s life but in creating value for others.
Even someone like myself, traditionally not brimming with self-confidence, can potentially inspire others. By actively choosing to document my life, I could encourage others to pursue their dreams and create. This marks a significant internal conflict: although I firmly believe that every life is unique and worth sharing, I’ve struggled to apply this belief to my own life. Despite these reservations, I’m committed to creating more content than ever this year, driven by the notion that, in doing so, I might not only redefine my own life’s worth but also inspire others to recognize the value in theirs.
Observing One’s Self From the Third Person
One of the things I’ve decided to continue with this year is my Laidback Log. As the heading suggests, this allows me to get a third-person objective perspective of myself. Keeping track of what I’m doing to reach my goal allows me to keep a level head. This post started as another log, but as I wrote, the post took on a life of its own. This practice allows me to hold myself accountable, the historical log of my work helps to observe growth over time as well.
Creative Renewal in the New Year means Challenging Unrealistically High Standards
As I embark on my journey to create more content this year, I confront a dual challenge. Hesitation and the allure of perfectionism prevent work from being created. My admiration for creators like Tim Ferris only heightens this. As I grapple with my commitment to quality and high standards. Observing the success of seemingly low-effort viral content often leaves me unsettled. Yet, I recognize that social media requires speed. Therefore, I might have to loosen the grip on the lofty standards.
The act of releasing content into the world brings about a unique form of anguish. It seems to be a form of postupload depression. Each mistake and perceived lapse in quality becomes a source of cringe-inducing reflection. I constantly remind myself that the path to creating something truly incredible is paved with imperfect creations. Even so, it’s a hard pill to swallow in the moment.
In my latest endeavors, I’ve deliberately challenged the notion that every piece must be perfect. Do I need the highest quality camera? Not every shot requires exhaustive scrutiny, analysis, and color grading. Isn’t the essence of this journey rooted in the joy of creation? The processes of color grading, editing, and meticulous evaluation of shots bring me immense satisfaction. I am consciously attempting to temper my perfectionism. My commitment to improvement helps to keep my content stagnant. Yet I needed to balance embracing a more liberated approach to creation – where perfection isn’t the enemy of progress.
In The Moment Content
Yokohama Square Tower
Next month I start my work as a tour guide for Eighty Days Japan. Because tourism has spiked in Japan, I thought I’d take the time to share information when I could. This piece of content was made by a suggestion from my friend Dave. When your smartphone is the only camera you have, it’s the best camera to use. As a result I shot this entirely in the moment. Traveling with friends is fun because as they interact with the space you can use them as models.
I’ve realized that short-form content isn’t really my strength. While it’s not necessary to succeed as a content creator, having more eyes helps. It’s important to spend time on Platforms like TikTok, Reels, and Shorts to get an understanding of native content on these applications.
180SX in Garage
Without a doubt, this isn’t the highest-quality car video I’ve ever shot in my life. Unlike some of the content I place on LaidbackJDM, the shots on this video also come from my phone. I still think the transitions could be smoother, but for content that took only about an hour to edit in post I didn’t think it was too bad.
For the first time in months, I opened up Adobe After Effects to edit the shots. I usually use Davinci Resolve, but for these short form content edits I’m more comfortable in AE.
Nightshots of Yokohoma
Recently I’ve shot a lot of shots of Yokohama, Tokyo, and the car scene. Due to my focus on Video, I’ve let the still side of my content slide. Even so, when I sat down and started editing again I’ve been able to look at photography with a fresh lens. Speaking of which, one of my lenses broke so I’m stuck shooting a 50mm. It’s funny because they recommend a 50mm for beginners. I’ve been trying to adopt this beginner’s mind into all of my projects. Relearning about everything after coming this far is freeing. Losing or lowering expectations for oneself might sound dangerous. On the contrary, it’s like gaining your wings after being trapped in a cage.
I’d like to start drawing anime characters on my photos again. But that will have to be for another project. Balancing so many content streams at the same time is quite a challenge, but it’s one I’m looking forward to. These photos will be posted onto my Japan Photography account LaidbackNihon.
Creative Renewal in the New Year is Embracing Beginning
They say when it comes to productivity what you think you can do in a day is overestimated. When you take into account the scope of a year it’s often underestimated. I have an internal list, log, and organizer I keep track of in OneNote. It seems the list of things to do only gets longer no matter how many things I cross off of it but I’ll Share a portion of the To-Do List here. Consider these my Filipino time New Year’s Resolutions.
- Make a New Year’s Video For the LaidbackMarco Channel
- Get Organized Physically/Electronically
- Keep better track and record of finances
- Design Shirts, Clothes, Sweaters, and Products for the brand
- Make a diagram of LaidbackLifestyle funnels and web
- Redesign website to integrate product sales
- Cleanup YouTube channels, linking, and tags
