Due to my love of Japan and Japanese Philosophy, I’m sure I’ve written about Ikigai before. Ikigai is Japanese for the reason to live. Most direct translations miss out on the gravity of words with substantial and potentially life-altering meanings and beliefs behind them. Ikigai is more than just a simple reason to live, it’s the driving force that brings your life joy. My personal experience with ikigai is that the concept itself is a living entity. The reason you wake up every morning changes and shifts in conjunction with your life. It’s a magical harmonious dance of push and pull.
Throughout the “Day in, Day Out” existence of life we can lose our guiding warm light. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, these past couple of years have been one of the most challenging periods in my life. Zooming out, uprooting my entire life and career to move halfway around the world was as much of a trial as an adventure. When you lose that overall directional goal, it can feel as if you’re floating at sea. Worse, when you lose Ikigai, it can feel like you’re floating around in nothing.
Thankfully I have my Blog, which I’ve been writing on an increasing basis to help me ground myself and rediscover my Ikigai.
Good Sleep
A good day starts with the night before. I’ve read that sleep affects various things from well-being, weight, and even your reaction time. Most nights I find it hard to get the recommended 7+ Hours of sleep. While young, it might have been my gaming addiction, in my adult life gaming is only part of the reason I struggle to count the ZZZs, despite my spirit animal 🦥. Like many people in the modern age, I struggle with information overload. I often find myself researching various hobbies in which I have too many.
I believe that most people in the modern world love sleep. In addition to sleep, dreams, both sleeping and waking, also help me imagine a reality better than the current timeline. Is life itself a dream? One of the exciting parts of life and dreams is when they surprise you and things are out of your control. Because I want to experience the most in life I tend to stay up late, but even then exhaustion had me falling asleep around 20:00.
Morning Gaming Session
My schedule as a tour guide is 0 or 100. There’s no in-between with this job. I’ve mentioned before that I struggle with the lack of a traditional workday. That being said, I enjoy some aspects of my life as a guide. Professionally and personally I’ve benefitted from the skills I’ve had to develop to perform my duties. On my time off I indulge in some gaming sessions. When I saw my Apex Legends squad online, I decided to play some games with them. I won’t be online for two weeks because. I’ll be away from home. I was considering buying retro handheld consoles to take with me on tours.
Buying retro handhelds would allow me to reconnect with my Ikigai in multiple ways. Not only would I be able to cross some games off of my backlog, but I could learn Japanese. Furthermore, I could study how games are developed and what makes them good or bad. Finally, I could get in touch with my past. I’ve realized that great games are not about the graphics, the cost, or how recently the game was released.
I thought back to my childhood. My dad and I would often purchase old or low budget games because they were cheaper. Now that I purchase my own games so I know how expensive they can be. I chose to play cheaper or free games now, but that doesn’t mean the fun factor leaves.
Online Gaming Community
I’d like to highlight my online gamer group. With them, I’ve fostered a community and they helped me get me through a lot. Playing the game itself is fun, in addition to getting to know people during slow moments. Of course, you make memories in the virtual world, but I find that these virtual experiences are dyed with those of real life. Many of my closest friends in High School and College spent time traveling through various worlds together.
Unknown to laymen is a lot there’s quite a bit of downtime in games. One of the more popular “games” right now is called VRChat, the only thing to do in that game is talk to people. To finish off this side tangent they have experimented using gaming and therapy in conjunction. It’s something I’d like to try given the resources.
Going For a Drive . . . Well Sort Of
Writing is part of my attempt to organize my thoughts and life. Using Google Calendar to make schedules and plan things helps to give me direction. Before, I felt like my life was a vast ocean and I was in a small sailboat in the middle of it. I still feel a lack of control and tend to go where the wind and storm blows me. But at least with a calendar I can at least point the boat in a direction. Unlike most things in my life which are pretty last minute and spur of the moment, this drive was planned months in advance. We’ve had to delay it a week due to the weather, but it was nice to have an idea come to life.
I say drive, but for me, it was more of a passenger sequence. My car has a dead battery, MAF Sensor Issue, an exhaust bolt is missing, and finally, the paint is peeling. Having almost no disposable income I feel I don’t really know what to do about it. I asked my friend Josh who is a mechanic.
“If you can’t afford the maintenance don’t drive it!”
Instead of driving with my friends, I was in the passenger seat, just along for the ride. I always think back to the first time I met a lot of my friends, just interested in a car event.
Never Lose Perspective
I remember when I was just happy being in Japan. At one point in time being in the JDM car scene was a dream, but now I occasionally drive with my friends. This time Dave let me ride in his Tesla. One of the best things about road trips is the time chatting with the other people in your car. There’s a lot of research that shows men communicate better shoulder to shoulder, being on the motorway also places your brain in a different state than usual. Dave and I talked about cars, our past, and life.
If you want to get to know someone go on a drive with them.
Time Passes on the Mountain Pass
Like a lot of my blog posts, they tend to balloon. Being introspective isn’t always the best for conciseness. Upon arriving to the mountain pass time flew by. Dave pushed his Tesla on the uphill. Although the experience of electric cars is a little meh, I can’t deny how fun the instant acceleration and torque are. Next was lunch with some friends. One of my friends also let me drive his car to teach him about driving. While I wasn’t the best driver, I could teach him what I knew. During the drive, I found my Ikigai again.
The joy I felt while pushing a car during spirited drives is hard to describe. Perhaps only other petrolheads can understand. Having a young friend in his senior year of college gave me perspective on my own growth. While I feel stunted, I have come so far in many aspects areas. Even if it was just driving a stick shift and knowing the fundamentals of performance driving and mechanics.
It was nice to be there with a guiding presence.
That experience motivated me to learn more about driving, cars, and mechanics so that when I help others I can be more knowledgeable.
We All Make Mistakes
My young friend might have damaged the clutch pretty during his mountain runs. Understandably, a young driver makes mistakes, lord knows that I have. On my journey to improve and push myself as a driver I’ve blown an engine, hit a couple of guard rails, and plowed into a wall of snow. Every mistake I’ve made has helped me to improve.
When I look back on my life, it’s wild that Americans get their licenses at fifteen years old, I’ve been driving for half my existence. While it’s not on-track driving, drifting, or always performance driving I’m more comfortable behind the wheel than in social situations. The kid looking to me for advice had just started.
The Way, The Force, The Path is Different for Everyone
My teaching philosophy is similar to Mr. Miyagi’s method. While not as mysterious and strict I believe teaching should involve a gentle approach. I’ve practiced performance driving by integrating it into my daily life. When I drive I always practice weight shifting, rev matching, and heel-toe downshifting. Like my dance moves I practice them while at stop lights or when standing idle. If you observed me on the train you’ll see me visualizing and practicing the heel-toe downshift or making passes as I’m walking through a crowd.
Visualization, muscle memory, and real-life driving are partnered with Sim Racing to further feel, visualize, and immerse myself in performance driving and reaching the limit. Putting yourself in different situations in a Simulator helps you prepare for the many possibilities that occur when you’re behind the wheel for real.
Feel What the Car is Doing
As much as we can talk to each other about how to change your driving approach. These include what techniques to use, basic concepts, and things to keep in mind while driving. Performance driving is a thing you must feel. It’s like the force, it’s a living breathing, reactionary instinctive activity. When things are going well it’s that Zen moment of oneness that Alan Watts conveys. My approach is to treat the car itself as it were a living breathing entity. Perhaps I’m too metaphysical with my thinking, but you listen to what the car needs, to become a singular entity. There’s no car or driver, like a school of fish, or a great horse jockey, you become a different being altogether.
Anything for The Shot
It’s no secret that I love cameras, media production, and video. Sometimes I have trouble editing and sorting through all the things I capture, but I love the art of filmmaking and media. I get into the weeds too much, but sometimes it’s better to upload projects without too much editing.
With my friend’s assistance, I captured some rolling video shots. Perhaps one day I could transition this experience to working in motorsports as a cameraman or media person. Here’s a fun shot of me in the back of a car to get a video shot.
Milkshakes and Pancakes
After adrenaline-fueled fun comes the comedown. After an uphill drive, you eventually have to drive down right? I’m a downhill specialist, after all, my car “brand” is called Laidback for a reason. After playing in the mountains we drove down the coast as a group. Driving along the beach with warm weather, the ocean, and Mount Fuji in my sight was an awe-inspiring sight that neither words nor pictures can replicate. The golden tones bathed the beach town surfers and oceanfront houses in a warm glimmer.
The small restaurant we pulled into felt more like a property in Southern California. It was hard to believe we were hour from the metropolitan epicenter of Tokyo. We shared a meal, laughs, stories, and plans. The sun descended on Enoshima, Fuji, and our day came to an end. There’s one way to end a Drive. . . with another drive.
Different Roads of Life
When I drove to the mountain I went with my friend Dave. He decided to go home a little earlier than the rest of us. A new friend, Johannes(Yo) offered me a ride. Although I would have enjoyed driving my own car, I was thankful to ride a passenger today. Despite not having a car my friends were willing to inconvenience themselves to help me. More importantly due to not having a car I had an extended conversation with Yo.
As stated earlier, going on a cruise with someone allows you that quiet time to talk. What I learned about Yo is that he’s very detail-oriented. Capable of perceiving a small sound that might hint that something is off. As we were driving touge he discovered a small wire stuck in his car just by a nearly indistinguisible audial scraping noise. It was one of those small details that would and did go right over my head until he pointed it out.
Career Woes and Future Plans
At some point in time, we ended up talking about my future plans. It’s no secret to anyone close in my life that within two years, I plan to move back home.
“I can’t keep floundering around entry-level salaries. . . I’ve got to build a career at some point in life.”
As much as I love Japan I’m struggling to build a life here. I enjoy my job, but I’m hoping to work in a field that excites me. Perhaps it’s too late for me to get a job in media, autosport, gaming, or animation. It also seems a little backward to go back home and do another life reset to get ahead long-term.
Same Reality Different Planes of Existence
As I talked to Yo, I realized despite our similarities even living in the same city we are on different planes of reality. I occupy a lower plane of existence than all the friends I’m close with. I would have to work five or six months to have the same amount of capital as a single month of work for them.
I’m not saying my job has an equal responsibility or value, but reaching a career or building a skill set with that kind of ceiling seems unattainable. I told Yo something that I think about all the time.
“When I think of the future it’s hard to see myself doing any better, it feels as if I’m just floundering here at the bottom, I think what’s the point? There’s no hope for the future as I float in entry-level positions. A lot of the time I think my life is like a messed up groundhogs day and I’ll do the same thing day in and day out until I die.”
Reinventing Myself
I want to believe that it’s not too late to reinvent myself. There are a lot of courses online that teach mechanical engineering, coding, or whatever else so it’s all about slowly putting in the effort. I’m trying to plug away at improvement tracking and management slowly. I still have to remember where I was at this point last year. I’m just trying to run my own race.
Much Love 🩵💖❤️🦥,
LaidbackMarco
