I don’t know who this blog is for anymore. It’s the same as the videos. Maybe just me. Perhaps it’s a way to get all the thoughts out before they pile up too high. Maybe my mom still reads this. . . well to be honest that’s a boring reality I’ll miss when she’s not […]
I don’t know who this blog is for anymore. It’s the same as the videos. Maybe just me. Perhaps it’s a way to get all the thoughts out before they pile up too high. Maybe my mom still reads this. . . well to be honest that’s a boring reality I’ll miss when she’s not around anymore.
It’s been eight years in Japan. I’ve done a lot. I’ve seen a lot. And lately, I’ve been feeling… done. Tired. Burnt out. Tour season hit hard this year. I’ve barely been home, and when I am, I’m too exhausted to do much more than exist. I’ve been trying to keep the dream alive—videos, writing, drawing, games—but I’m starting to think maybe the dream didn’t pan out the way I hoped it would.
There’s a lot in the video that didn’t make it here—rambling thoughts about money, turning 30, what it means to give up without really giving up. It’s not polished. Neither is it edited. It’s just me talking. But somewhere in all that mess, there’s something honest.
I still love Japan. I still love creating. But I’m at the point where I’m starting to seriously consider going home. For real this time. December, maybe. Big family trip, then maybe I just… don’t come back.
It’s hard to say that out loud. Harder to write it. It feels like admitting I failed. But I don’t know—maybe it’s not failure. Maybe it’s just a chapter ending. And maybe, for now, that’s okay.
If you’ve ever felt like you were giving it your all and still getting nowhere… yeah. Same.
Much Love 💖🩷🩵🦥
— LaidbackMarco
